This blogging lark is pretty damn difficult sometimes. I started here wanting an outlet for my creative/academic side whilst I was at uni. I loved being able to get out those thoughts that didn't have a place in my uni work and being able to apply concepts to situations and texts so that other people could see things the way I saw them. I seem to have morphed into a Mummy Blogger.
Not that it's a bad thing, but sometimes, when the white of the screen is burning my retinas and the only thing I can think to write is the dull stuff we've got up to all day, those times, I feel like I've lost my mojo.
I rely on my analytical side to keep me sane: research, writing and making a good argument are important to me. There's something beautifully fulfilling about it. These days I'm left feeling bereft, like I should be doing more of that. Like I should damn well have done that university course I've left behind. Or got a goddamn job and made myself useful to somebody.
We all need validation I suppose, and when success can only be measured by infinitesimal degrees of improvement, (or, conversely, when success is unmeasurable due to a steady 18 year maturation rate) it gets pretty nerve wracking and self-questioning-ey.
So I guess I expect too much of my little blog. Particularly with my lack of bloggage: no-one is going to give awards or post comments if they have no reason to keep coming back. And no-one is going to validate a lifestyle choice by reading a blog and telling the author 'that's good.'
I think I need to go back to last week and re-read my personal little pep-talk.
Right, that's better. Now, what's next?
0 comments:
Post a Comment