"Orwellian Schemes"?

"A graduate is taking legal action against the government over a scheme which she says forces people to do unpaid work." via BBC

I'm really struggling with this report that was just on the news. I would love to hear a bit more from Cait - the aforementioned graduate; things like whether she has worked before, what experience she already has and what sort of job she wants. 

I'd like to ask her whether she had to work during her degree, and where she got money from to support herself during those three years. I'd like to find out how difficult it is to find work in her field and what other students from her graduating year are now doing.

I'd like to ask whether she believes she is entitled to JSA until she finds a job exactly in her field. I'd be interested to find out why she thinks the Job Centre is the right place to find a graduate career. I'd like to hear how she spends her time when she's not volunteering at a museum. Is she improving herself, creating a kick-ass CV, keeping on top of her field?

I don't like to criticise without knowing these facts. 

But.

Man.

I...

I can't get over feeling that this STINKS of entitlement.

I detest the idea of unpaid internships, of which this government scheme is a dumbed-down version. But sometimes, just sometimes, you have to get over yourself and do what is necessary. Which means taking a job beneath your skill level. Which means working hard, finding opportunities and taking things in your stride. Because everything you do should further you, whether you are only working towards the next pay cheque or bettering yourself to move up the ladder. 

  

I'm not saying Cait should have just got on with it. She obviously felt insulted by it, but no-one walks into a graduate job. Even the people who seem to do so have usually been working their a*ses off for 3+ years. Perhaps working a job alongside their degree. Perhaps working two jobs whilst also developing a portfolio of work in their own time. Perhaps working hard on an extra-curricular activity that turns out to be the thing they do for the rest of their lives, the degree being a leg up or a period of time to develop.

So what should a graduate expect from a government funded partnership scheme? Well, you certainly shouldn't assume they'll give you something awesome. Especially when that scheme is contracted through a large company. When you enter a framework that expects conformity, through a scheme administered by a big business, where does it say that they have to give you exactly what you want?

Cos that scheme? The whole structure of it? It ain't about what the lowly job seeker wants, is it?

School, Socialising and Being Different

OK, I need to talk about school.

I'm not sure where this will lead. You know how hindsight is, it makes you feel much more important and self-righteous than you ever probably were; adult brains do love to rationalise past actions. It's important though. It's important in the context of why I want to Home Educate and why I don't agree that school is necessary for all children. Yet, please, don't for a moment assume that this encapsulates everything about my approach to HE, it does have an influence, but this is more a reactionary post than a personal doctrine - it needs to get out there, even if said influence is minimal.

It's about being 'social'.

Because school isn't a social experience for everyone. People ALWAYS have 'socialisation' in the baggage of worries they bring to any conversation about Home Ed. I won't repeat what other people have to say about it, you can find extensive information if you bother to use Google.

Anyway, anecdote time. I can't say I 'suffered' at school, I was offered plenty of help, I didn't receive any serious bullying, I didn't perform badly. But a lot of the time, I didn't go.

It's not something that was ever addressed successfully. My only perception of it now is that I didn't want to be there. Over time it became easier and easier not to be there. Every time I managed to maintain the work,   I proved myself right. I remember sitting in lessons thinking other people were stupid. I remember sitting in lessons fuming angry for no reason. I remember feeling so f*cking apathetic about it all.

I probably thought I knew best, but I don't remember thinking that thought. 

Anyway, what do you know? I, the girl whose high school attendance was often barely more than 60%, completed a degree at a Russell Group Uni with 1st class honours. Few people thought I would. Some voiced their fears, some emanated them without words (though I'd count my two 6th Form history teachers and my Mr Onions among the few who DID think I could do it).

And the school? Well, they accommodated me. Can you believe it? At a time when parents were being fined for truancy, the school let me do it. Because I was still achieving.

Well, what does all that tell you about school? I'm not sure. 

Sometimes I feel like I took the resources they offered and taught myself, but that's pretty arrogant, and inaccurate. Sometimes I feel like I had such a strong desire to be alone that perhaps I dealt with it in the only way available to me. Sometimes I feel like I was simply too self-absorbed and obstinate.

But besides all this educational rubbish there is one thing I do know: school, itself, didn't teach me to be sociable.

My friends taught me to be sociable. The school environment didn't facilitate socialising: it was an opportunity to meet people, but it wasn't the place to develop meaningful relationships. That part happened outside of school hours, with the people I had found. I didn't WANT to see people at school, I wanted to avoid them.

As a teenager, so many other things were important in my life, but school was just there. I never thought I was going to fail, I just wasn't sure when I was going to get around to it. I guess I was like many teenagers: if you ask them they'll tell you that school gets in the way of socialising.

Ahem. I know that all this secondary school stuff isn't relevant to my 4-year-old's education, who knows, perhaps she'll go there one day herself. Until then, however, no-one is going to convince me that school is a better social experience for her. She can get social interaction with different people every day of the week if she wants it, or stay at home with me if she wants to be alone. Her need for interaction is important to her and she will damn well tell me when she wants to go somewhere. And I will listen and adapt. Because I can, because it's important, and because it's my duty.

A day in our life

I decided the best way to kick off our Home Educating journey would be to join the Patch of Puddles "A Typical Home Ed Day in Photos" carnival!

Now, you might notice I don't do a lot of photo blogging, so forgive me if this goes slightly wrong, I have no idea what I'm doing :)

Today had NP and me pottering about the house, buying new shoes, having lunch out and going to Stay and Play (a group for 0 - 5's). Bit of an expensive day all in all, but good times were had (apart from usual grumbles about walking too much).

We started the day with some Jolly Phonics songs over breakfast, with 'clicking castanets' resulting in a quick percussion session:

From 16 May 2011

Mommy had to do 'a a ants on my arm' too:

From 16 May 2011

From 16 May 2011

Daddy gave us a book about Greek Mythology last night so we read about Cerberus and Hades:

From 16 May 2011

Getting the percussion instruments out of the cupboard reminded us about the Timmy Time Pop Up game we keep in there, so we had a few goes with that:

From 16 May 2011

After a quick drink we got our snack and worked some more on our new sound with a Jolly Phonics worksheet:

From 16 May 2011

Bit of our favourite background music (and a promise of watching some of the film later):

From 16 May 2011

Some workbooks seemed like a good idea:

From 16 May 2011

We didn't get any photos in the shoe shop but we had a lovely lunch then made our way to Stay and Play where we had some messy fun:

From 16 May 2011

From 16 May 2011

After a lovely (and exhausting!) walk home:

From 16 May 2011

we settled down to watch Bilbo:

From 16 May 2011

Then I cooked dinner, Daddy came home and we ate and had cuddles!

Today was definitely a 'busy' day. We don't always work on phonics every day, but I do try to introduce a new sound each week. NP started Jolly Phonics at the failed nursery and ate it up, so we decided to carry on at home. Normally we spend a lot of time just hanging out, playing games, watching TV or going to the park or library. I don't really believe NP needs much 'educating' at this age, but I take advantage of the opportunities. For about 6 weeks I've left the phonics things lying on the table for her to pick up at her will, some days she has a go, some days she doesn't. Today was a day when she felt comfortable and interested enough to have a go.

Phew, I hope that was enlightening or at least un-boring! I can't guarantee whether my future posts will or will not be like this one, like I said, this is new territory for me. Feedback always appreciated :)

Click on the house picture to see more Carnival entries!

School

A slight epiphany descended upon my sofa-ensconced form just a moment ago.

I've had concerns about how NP is settling into nursery (settling?! She's been at the place since September!). I've gone the usual channels, spoken to the teacher, talked to NP about it, all to find that, come the start of each new half term, she hates it, come the start of the holidays she's slightly settled (which gets thrown off during the week/fortnight she doesn't attend).

It seems that the pressure to do what the teachers say creates a little demon inside her brain that tells, nay, insists, that she does as much as possible to disrupt this arrangement.

Well, what a surprise, my child is stubbornly independent and doesn't want to be told what to do.
She told me the other day that the other children are 'boring'.

I told the teacher that NP enjoys learning facts, and is, we would say, pretty smart.

The instant I suggested this, the teacher countered with the fact that NP cannot write. Some children start nursery being able to write, apparently (whoopee, bully for them) but NP doesn't want to, and insists on 'being helped' which, 'is perfectly fine of course'.

Hmm, yeah. I'm sure it's fine. That's why, instead of grasping onto the positive information I just gave you, you're focusing on the things she 'can't' do.

You know what? I don't give a flying f*ck whether she can write perfectly. She loves trying: she wrote 'Happy Birthday' for her cousin the other day by tracing over what I had written. The fact that she wants help to do it isn't a problem, except when you've got 20 others to deal with, Mrs Teacher.

And what is writing, after all? Here's my epiphany: it's a means to an end, it's an addendum to the actual task of learning stuff. The fact that she loves to absorb information is much more important to me at this time. Teaching her right and wrong, letting her explore the things that interest her and giving her chance to grow. These are the things that I care about. She'll come to writing in her own time.

Focusing on a physical lag seems like a fast track to a frustrated mind to me. I want to explore that mind, give her chance to use it, before she shuts it off because other people don't care.

Child returns to nursery, mom returns to the world at large

It has probably not escaped your attention that I've been absent since July. Hey, what happened in July? Oh, just my lovely daughter 24/7!

I don't begrudge her, but it's been a tough time.

Anyway, anyone interested in little girls and gender roles should go read this blog passed on to me via a lovely friend, who got it from the beautiful and talented Felicia Day who I didn't realise had done anything awesome since Buffy, but she did, and she is (awesome, that is).

A taste of what Jolie O'Dell has to say on the subject of Women in Tech (from the first link):

"So, to all the special interest groups and fine individuals with fine intentions, I ask you one favor: Please stop pushing for more women in tech, and find a young girl to mentor instead. When she is young, give her “boy toys” and video games. If she wants one, get her a laptop instead of jewelry for her birthday. Tell her not to worry about flirting or her hair. Send her to a computer science camp or space camp. Encourage her to take advanced maths and sciences in school and to enter a computer science degree program."

Awesome too, right?

I'll try and write more soon, but I have another project I'm working on, which I might end up linking here, or I might keep anonymous, not sure yet.

Leave a comment guys if you're still here, please help my overwrought-mommy-ego!!

School days

Recent conversations have brought my time at school to mind a lot recently, coincided with thoughts about how my daughter relates to other children, and how that might affect her in the future.

And, ya know what? Like many, I had a crap time as a teenager due to various factors, but I don't harbour pain or anger at school, or the people I knew there.

A recent post at Feministe outlines how difficult it can be for people who are 'different' to get on in school. I guess things are a little different here, compared to in American schools where such a strict 'class' system is enforced (which I only really know about from TV and film, so, Americans, you can enlighten me if I'm wrong!)

I know I went through many phases of trying to 'fit in' with people, but, in the long run, I was, and always will be, somewhat of a solitary individual. For better or worse, I remember enjoying my own company and spending most of my time figuring out my own thoughts, rather than caring about what other people thought of 'my image' or my interests.

The comments over at Feministe made me think about what I'm teaching my daughter, and what I was taught as a child. I don't really recall any sit-down, pre-emptive talks about 'just be yourself.' Maybe they occurred, but they don't stand out. (Mum, dad, help me here?)

What I do recall, however, are my parents supporting me through every time I felt bad, or needed to let loose and scream, or just to talk about anything and everything.

So I guess my advice to other parents, and to myself, is to always talk to children. ALWAYS make them feel that they have valid opinions and you are interested in what they have to say. Never put them down or tell them they're being stupid. Sure, prepare them for the world, but the main thing is to deal with what's in front of you, how they feel, not stress over every single interaction they might possibly have in their lives.

I think about how I'm going to deal with the messages about gender NP will receive every day of her life, and realise that the only way to teach her is to challenge her: why does she think that's a good idea? Why does it matter what other people think? And listen to what she has to say. She's not even 3 yet, and I feel like I'm barely out of childhood myself, I just hope I've got enough wit and experience to help her through her own challenges.

BBC4 Women: Mothers

NOTE: My other reviews of 'Libbers' and 'Activists' can be found here:
first thoughts
2nd watching
Activists

Mothers
Yes, I watched it, and I have lots to say.

Mostly I resented the demographic represented, but again, how else would it be pitched on this channel? I do believe that only one family lived north of London, and the parents in that family were both academics. I suppose it's appealing to the lowest common denominator, to just interview (stereo)typical nuclear families. However, there are SO many feminist families who are anything but typical!

Personally, it would have felt a much more rounded documentary if the lives of feminist families were included, e.g. non-working feminists mums, queer parents, mothers who stay at home but fill their lives with things other than children.

(Not to say that the stay-at-home parents featured in the program DON'T do other things, but the documentary didn't seem to show them doing anything other than 'typical' parenting - baking, play-groups, washing, yawn).

What about the parents staying at home and providing home-education? What about mothers who give up their time for voluntary groups (coughcough breastfeedingpeersupport)? What about working class mums who don't have a bloody choice in the matter?

Isn't it wonderful to pontificate about 'choice' when the people without a choice have no voice?

Furthermore on the subject of what a parent does, how about the question put to the Oxford graduate:

'what is the point of your education, do you need a degree from Oxford in order to stay home and look after your children?'

Well, those who know me can imagine my reaction.

(something along the lines of 'fiery wrath'?)

The fact that education for its own sake is not even considered astounds me. Once an educational level has been achieved it is always there to fall back on, use, or add to. I absolutely agree with the mother: she can pass her knowledge on to her children. I feel so passionate about my academic achievements and goals, but I also feel passionate about bringing up my daughter in the way I have chosen.

Why should motherhood negate education and the urge to be educated? Is education only compatible with working and earning? That sounds quite capitalist to me.

However, on to the thing I enjoyed: watching the squirming when Engle asked what activities they each do around the home. It was good to reinforce the idea that washing, organising and cleaning are not a realm of natural knowledge - it is learnt through trial and error, paying attention, reading, PLANNING and thinking, before doing. It's too easy to get drawn into always doing something because your other half 'doesn't do it well enough'. How the hell did that partner learn to do it in the first place?

Anyway, that aside, it's perfectly understandable that Vanessa Engle may have wanted to highlight the inherent sexism in the standard nuclear family. Today, that kind of sexism often goes unchallenged and is held up as a shining example of what family life should be about. However, my question is, can't we have some positive examples? Can't we see what other people are doing and be inspired, rather than depressed?

Mr Onions regularly challenges me, asking me if I am ever going to read something positive about feminism. Well, I put that challenge to this doc: make me feel positive next week, I want to see something good about feminist activism, some passion, some success, some positive ideas. Lets leave this sadness behind, please?